My mundane (haha ctgually not true lah) life is taking a dramtic turn for a better/worse now..
I still can't believe it, I'm sec4 this year! like OMGZ THAT MEANS IM 16 YEARS OLD AND CAN FINALL YWATCH NC16 MOVIES :D
oh, I met Jason at hci bus stop this morning, yest was Hiroshi, today is Jason, tmrw who?
and the common thing is that they spotted me first.
hahaha kay thats beside th point.
anyw, life's so unfair! they've change th grading system in my final year, and change th usual common tests to block tests as well.
Sigh, we got to like acheive a MSG of 3 and below to get posted to hcjc, it's so impossible! Since I've got lss for bio again. Which means that I'll get C5 and below for Biology. ):

ARGHHHHH why do you have to put so much stress on us?
We're just innocent little adolescents, not yet an adult, but no longer a child.


I feel so insecured again. No, not about relationships, it's about judo. I cant even win everyone now, when I used to beat everyone in sec2? okay lah, not everyone, but all my teammates and juniors and maybe some seniors? Individual is coming soon, and I doubt I'll get extra-light weight champion as easy as sec2. B division is much tougher to fight than C division.
C division is like so chicken feed la, cause everyone is still not familiar with judo so they dont know how to defence, and I will just have to act fierce and chiong in when they're not looking and throw them. Now it's a totally different way. It's so hard to keep my stamina up for the 3mins boult, or even 6 if I get a draw. What if I cant clinge the title again? The first person that I will disappoint is myself. I hate to be a second, I hate it when others snatched my glory away, I hate it when I got to share intangible things like love, and friendships. Of course that doesnt mean that I'm selfish. I dont mind sharing food/ money/ those things that can be bought with money with everyone. You can say I'm a individualistic person, yes I admit i am. I hate it when H is on the com while he's on th phone with me as well (okay that was like one year ago) cause I just want him to concentrate entirely on me; I hate it when I have to share H; sometimes I feel kinda happy to know that he's all mine and he's not interested in any other girls. I hate it when my best friend is close with other girls who I doesnt even know. I'll start to feel insecured, and the thing I'll most probably do is to lock myself up and prevent anyone from venturing into my mind. I used to play the nanny-nanny-poo-poo-I-dont-wanna-pick-up-your-calls-cause-you-made-me-agitated-serve-you-right game with H (that was one year ago as well) to justify the fiery anger inside me.



idk lah, it's so stressing nowadays, and it brings out my crybaby nature, I can't believe I'm tearing as I'm typing this. I thought I was very strong all along. But I am wrong. Behind th strong front and giggly face, I'm nothing but a weakass. I have no self-discipline, no self-control, and most imptly, I cant whine to H so often anymore. He's in army now and he can't be with his phone 24-7. He dotes on me too much, he always try to give me what I want. As days passed, i became dependant on him, with him by my side, I feel that even if the whole world collapsed I'm not afraid cause he's with me.

baby, dont be so cruel to me anymore and go overseas again okay? if you wna go ask me! I'll try to tag along. Days without your voice/calls seems like decades. When it comes to night, it's even harder for me to handle it. :( So don't ever say what you'll die I can still get the 200k insurance compensation. I dont any money, I just you alive and happily living. Silly boy, you think money can buy anything in th world? :( I know you meant it well for me, but seriously, if you die, I think I;ll lose the courage to live on too. I'm not that strong-willed, remember?
I get frightened easily even by the darkness and bizarre stillness of the night. We'll gonna live happily ever after all our lives, I'm sure heaven will not be prejudiced with you since you're so good-hearted. We're gonna live in our 3-storey bundalow happily with 3 kids of our own. I've just thought of th chinese names if they are girls. ahhaha probability of getting all girls is 1/8?
or 1/2?
hahaha nvmd about it.
anyw that's it for my this very long winded emo post.

oh and I wna thank Siahxinyu for her little gift to me :D hahaha I like it alot it's so cutttttttte, and I can see my pouches collection stacking up in the drawer, and I like it.

tmrw, tmrw, can finally see you. after one whole year week. :D cant wait, cant wait to be in your arms again.